....
- What's this g-mail? I just got used to e-mail. And why did they skip f-mail?
- The first 5 days after the weekend are always the hardest...
- Dear Microsoft: If you had called your search engine Bang instead of Bing, you'd have destroyed Google. What would you rather say? "I just Googled Catherine Zeta Jones" or "I just Banged Catherine Zeta Jones"?
- But your honor, he said 'till death do us part. What was I supposed to do? Wait for natural causes to take him?
- My local news station just announced that they fired their lead anchor. Apparently he was really weighing down the show.
- Monday: A terrible way to spend 1/7 of your life.
- Yesterday I fell off a 50 foot ladder. It's probably a good thing I was on the bottom step..
- Arguing with a person who has rejected the use of reason is like administering medicine to the dead.
- If God gave you a good singing voice you should sing loud in church to give thanks. If God gave you a bad singing voice you should sing loud in church to get even.
- I don't have a Twitter account, so I just carry around a megaphone to announce what I'm doing at random times. So far I've got 3 followers - but I think 2 of them are cops.
- My strategy is "accidentally" rolling the dice into my opponent's armies when the jerk fortifies Australia in Risk.
