"No one ever went broke underestimating the intelligence of the American public," wrote famous critic and misanthrope H.L. Mencken. But of course, six-syllable words fly right over our heads, so we didn't understand him. So from faux dog testicles to lovely lasses "going wild" -- here are eight of the most insane ways anyone made it in America. Neuticles
Human ego is one thing; dog ego is another. Gregg Miller has sold a quarter million pairs of fake testicles for animals because his dog Buck the bloodhound acted sluggish after neutering. Certainly, we feel for poor Buck, but not enough to drop $100 on some highly speculative doggie depression. It's endorsed by the ASPCA because it encourages people to neuter your pet, but you should be doing that anyway.
Girls Gone Wild
There will always be porn, meaning there will always be sleazy guys in SoCal looking to exploit addled young women. Many a man has pondered simply asking a woman to show him her breasts, but only Joe Francis realized it would uncannily work more often if he filmed them. His predatory predilection for the young and the drunk made him over $100,000,000. Pet Rock
In 1975, ad executive Gary Dahl realized pets didn't need to love, cuddle, or even interact in any meaningful way with their owners. He coined the "perfect pet," the Pet Rock, which was funny for about six months until the country realized -- oh yeah, we paid $4 for a rock. By then, Dahl was a millionaire.
Free Money At least people knew the true value of Dahl's gag, and got a laugh out of it. Not so everyone who ordered Matthew Lesko's book "Free Money," in which the question mark-clad Quixote (pictured at left) photocopied reams of government grant paperwork. The kicker: Almost no one meets the requirements stipulated by the bulk of the grants.
Hair in a Can
The bulk of Ron Popeil's inventions are based on the idea that bachelors will starve to death if left alone with only a set of knives, a working oven, and a fully-stocked refrigerator. Once he'd ensured their survival, he needed a way to disseminate their sad, lonely genes, and that's where GLH-9 Hair in a Can Spray comes in, momentarily, before it dissolves into a chalky residue on a middle-aged man's scalp.
Botox Since most people object to being stabbed in the face with the most toxic substance known, you'd think they'd stay the hell away from Clostridium botulinum; but of course, tell them it paralyzes the body so wrinkles won't show, and you'll raise enough money for 4.6 million injections annually. People would huff used diapers if they thought it took a year off their appearance.
The Secret
Where there's a will, there's a way, but it helps to get a boost from Oprah. The talk-show host launched Australian producer Rhonda Byrne's "Wish hard enough and get everything you want" malarkey into the stratosphere. Since it wasn't enough to take a cool two million on a book that has nothing more to say, she blamed the 2006 tsunami victims for not spending enough time imagining themselves alive and dry. No doubt that helped a lot of people feel better about not donating to relief charity.
Ponzi Scheme
By paying out a 50% return via arbitrage of international reply coupons, immigrant Charles Ponzi drew an investing frenzy and made $250,000 a day in 1920 dollars. The problem was, the only way he could pay his investors such returns was if new investors continued to deposit. Without endless influx, the bottom fell out of his pyramid.
